[Delusion]

INFO: A new storyline for the popular TV/game series Fate. This time the story is centered around Emiya Shirou and Illyasviel Von Einzbern.

Please post feedback, all insults and compliments accepted, I'm looking to learn to write better through this, so please don't hold back. However, I still wish you enjoy my fanfic!

FATE/WHITE EMBODY

PROLOGUE:

The limousine rode smoothly down the empty street, illuminated only by the lights of the closing shops and the dim lamps that continued endlessly into the distance. Men and Women were leaving their jobs to rest until tomorrow, replaced by others that worked throughout the night. A window rolled down accepted the wind inside the black interior, blowing silver hair in countless directions. A face, unaffected by the cold breeze upon it, watched the pedestrians indifferently. Like specks, small droplets of life they were, the girl thought sullenly. Working for nothing, asking for everything, the contradiction of humanity apparent. And yet, why did her chest ache with longing every time she gazed at them? Her attention occupied, she was mildly surprised to feel the car jerk to a sudden stop. Escaping her thoughts, she shifted her gaze to the front. She felt her body throb in response her mind a simple mix of surprise and more surprise. In the front of the car, a red headed boy stood back up steadily from the ground. Above, the moon slowly took off it’s cloudy shroud.

The boy dusted his clothes off, a uniform and tag revealing the aspect of his employment. As if uninjured, the boy completely ignored the vehicle that struck him and bent down, a hand extended. Another took it; a man picked himself up as well, his condition perfect. The man shook the boy’s hand vigorously, with a false smile covering a frightened face. He left quickly, melting into the crowd that had appeared. Soon, they began to spread apart as well, their whispers disappearing into the night. The boy stared at his open hand, as if a precious treasure. His chest rose and fell heavily a moment, before he as well continued on his way. He left with sure steps, completely ignoring the limousine and it’s occupants. He left the scene of his car strike. In the front seat, a maid turned to Ilya. “Are you alright, young master?” The girl with the silver hair nodded slowly as she watched the boy leave, a dangerous new light in her eyes. Emiya Shirou… she thought, a smile crossing her lips. He’ll be an interesting opponent.

The limousine started down the street once more, drifting over the soft light from the white embody of the moon.

[Albedo]

"He left quickly, melting into the crowd that had appeared. Soon, they began to spread apart as well, their whispers disappearing into the night. The boy stared at his open hand, as if a precious treasure. His chest rose and fell heavily a moment"

That sounds a bit like some line from some fangirl's yaoi fanfic. No offense...

anyway Ilya rocks.

try to focus on what makes the character's personality unique and not what is physically unique about them. That's the most important thing about a written piece like this. It's easier to paint a picture of a character's actual thoughts and feelings in a written piece and that's where you can easily expand the most.